Fallout 3 has been taking up a fair amount of my time recently. Between that and moving all my things from Ithaca back to Philadelphia this past weekend, I’ve had little time for much else. Well, besides voting. I did that today.

But back to the more important matter at hand, Fallout 3 is incredible. When I went to purchase the game I knew very little about it, other than it’s pretty much the same as Oblivion (also developed by Bethesda Softworks) and that both Fallout 2 and the original Fallout kicked irradiated ass. Whereas Oblivion caters more to the Cheetos-munching D&D crowd, Fallout 3 is a thinking man’s game. A sad, lonely, psychotically gory thinking man’s game.

One of those chunks is probably an eyeball

Violence aside, Fallout 3 has immersed me as no other game has in a long while. So far I’ve put in a little over 25 hours into my first character. I tend to be pretty meticulous when it comes to RPGs, so those 25 hours include mostly side quests and rummaging through any corpse, footlocker, or front door I can get my hands on. Spending so much time in The Capital Wasteland (the game is set in Washington, DC) has taught me a few life lessons, however.

1. Radiation isn’t really all that bad

If you ever find yourself the victim of a nuclear holocaust, survival isn’t really that difficult. Drinking irradiated water will only give you as much as a sore throat and harvesting meat off of the genetically mutated fauna might not taste all that great, but at least you won’t grow a second head by eating it. Also, if you happen to get too toxic, you can just see a doctor about relieving you of your “radiation”. Still no cure for cancer though.

2. Your pockets can hold as many weapons as you can carry

Let’s say your more of a pistols person, meat and potatoes as I like to call it. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sniper rifle or a shotgun for those chance encounters where an enemy (ie. everyone) is just too far away/right in your face to be killed by your measly pea-shooter? Don’t worry. Having all these weapons and more at your disposal is possible, IN THE FUTURE!

Sometimes I just can’t be satisfied by blowing off someone’s head with my hunting rifle, so instead I choose to blow up their entire person, and any persons in the vicinity, with my missile launcher. I currently carry 9 different weapons with me at all time. Variety really is the spice of life.

3. Patriotism is still alive and well in post-apocalyptia. Also bigotry.

One neat feature of your Pip-boy, your character’s do-everything wrist-mounted device which lets you view your inventory, character information, etc, is the ability to tune into radio frequencies. Unfortunately there are very few choices to tune in to for your listening pleasure. The station with the strongest signal is called Enclave Radio and is hosted by the new president of America, John Henry Eaton.

Music on Enclave Radio consists of patriotic tunes like The Star-Spangled Banner, Stars and Stripes, and When Johnny Comes Marching Home peppered with “inspirational” dialog from the newly “elected” president on All-American topics like baseball, voting, and yes even apple-pie. Malcolm McDowell does an excellent job as the voice of Eaton, a sinister yet appealing propagandist spreading the word of what America will be like once we get rid of all the “impurities” dotting the Wasteland.

Parallels to vault-dwellers, people who were fortunate enough to be chosen to live in special fallout shelters during the nuclear war, being of a privileged status and ghouls, those horribly mutated by radiation from the war, being scorned by normal society add an extra pseudo-layer of reality to the Fallout universe as well.

4. Cataclysmic destruction breeds new and exotic types of drugs

They say that in times of hardship people tend to turn more towards drugs and alcohol, the vices. Not only is this true in Fallout 3, but new super drugs have been invented to ease society’s pains. There’s no real magic system in Fallout, buffs come in the form of pills and injectables which increase anything from strength to your ability to make enemies explode from the impact of your bullets. You can also become hopeless addicted to these substances, just like in real life! My character has been the victim of not only Buffout addiction, but also an addiction to Whiskey! Who would have though only two drinks would render me a slave to the bottle?

Do not fear however. Doctors can cure addiction. No methadone for this kid!

5. Fallout 3 is really the best game ever

I could only come up with four of these before being hit by the overwhelming urge to play more Fallout 3. I’ll come up with more of these after I execute some Raider and Merc scum. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a future to save.

Oh also, go vote today!

Quoted from !WBTG!:

This game is very hard. You could find that getting past the very first few screens is taking you the better part of an hour, or more. Do not be deterred. It’s supposed to be unfair. Realize this before all else; any and all situations can kill without warning. Take nothing for granted. If it appears safe; you can be nearly certain that it is a trap. Understand that you can only get hit once before you die in a particularly gruesome manner. Be careful!

If you find yourself becoming sloppy calm down, take a deep breathe, and either continue on or stop playing for awhile. You may just be worn out. Often times you’ll find nearly impossible situations are a lot easier when you’ve had a night’s sleep.

In the end, you can at least take heart that save points can be frequently encountered. It is just about the only solace you shall have on your quest to become The Guy.

Frustrating doesn’t even begin to describe the difficulty level of this game. Stitched together from pieces of old 8-bit platform games, ‘I Wanna Be the Guy’ mischievously takes the most challenging parts of every boss you ever battled on the SNES and strings them back to back. Major props on the Megaman intro.

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